You used to call me on my cell phone, late night when you need my love ...
It’s Sunday morning. Well, actually it’s more around noon. My head hurts, my mouth is dry and my throat is on fire. I look around and slowly try to evaluate the damages of too much drinking from the past night. I grab my phone and scroll down through my text messages.
Horror invades my body. This contact should NOT be showing up on my screen.
I feel ashamed and hopelessly wish I could have a time machine. All of a sudden, Chris Brown’s ‘Drunk Texting’ plays in my head:
I'm blowing up your line
I got you on my mind
And the truth is hard to fight, so I'll be
I'll be drunk texting, drunk texting, drunk texting you.
I try to remember the evening desperately hoping to figure out how I could have possibly been so weak. The truth is that it isn’t really about being strong or not.
I did it, you did it, and even still-virgin-and-prudish Anastasia Steele did it. It happened to the best of us.
I mean of course you could blame it on the alcohol, that’s what I always do. But if you really think about it, it takes a much larger process than just a few drinks. The booze only gave you the courage, the final push down to your grave of shame while the rest was already triggered over a five-steps process.
Let me explain.
Step One: You are beautiful
There you are looking all good and ready to have a great time with your friends. You are so over your ex – or at least that's what you keep telling everyone around you.
After days of going back and forth between love and hate, crying way more than you should have, you have finally decided to drag yourself out of this misery and all the way to the shower. You’ve made an effort and feel ready to step outside again by night.
Step Two: You are confident
The evening is going on pretty well. You’ve down your third drink and start getting in the mood. You’re having fun, dancing and chatting around. Of course a part of you, somewhere remotely hidden in the back of your brain is thinking about your ex but it doesn’t really matter.
Perhaps, you’re wondering what he/she could be doing right now but you don’t want to talk to him/her to find out. You still believe that you’re safe when really, we all know it’s only a matter of time before you reach that stage.
Step Three: You are brave
It crossed your mind. Briefly, but still it did. Maybe you could send something, after all you guys are not in bad terms. Or maybe you are and now could be a good time to taste the waters and try to fix things.
You take your phone, scroll down through your contact list and … wait a minute … no f*cking way. You are way too strong for this. And seriously, you don’t want him/her to think that you’re so desperate that he/she is the only thing on your mind when really you’re supposed to be having a blast with your friends. You put the phone down, so proud of you for not giving in so easily.
Step Four: You are drunk
Screw bravery; let’s try honesty for a minute. You miss him, or maybe you don’t but the fact is that you suddenly feel the urgent need to communicate and write down all the nasty things that were on your mind. You simply figured that 3 am was the appropriate time to pour your heart out and that you being intoxicated was the perfect condition to speak your truth.
You kiss your pride goodbye and send out what seriously looks like an S.O.S.
Step Five: You are f***ed
Good morning Sunshine! Now that you’ve (almost) sobered up, it is time for you to enjoy your hangover and reflect upon the poetry you’ve sent last night.
And as you walk down memory lane, keep your fingers crossed that the text(s) magically disappeared or that you’ll be at least acknowledged a response. Anything at all will always be better than nothing because even if they say silence is gold, we know in this case it's not. Right now, silence is shame. Yep, as in shame on you.
And if you're interested in finding out what happens after the shame, click right here.